Wednesday, December 30, 2009

One Brave little boy

Today we started immunizations. I know...we are starting late, but I have been hesitant. I grew up with a mom that rarely gave us antibiotics, had her own home remedies, and has a firm stance against immunizations. So you can imagine my agony and hesitation over this. But after prayer, and questions, and some research we decided to just do a few that our pediatrician suggested. So after putting it off we took him in today and he got his first shot. He cried a little bit but over all, he was a very brave boy. He was a again brave as we went to the chiropractor and then a charmer as we went shopping. Now he is sleeping, and mommy is stealing a few quite moments as I watch Sense and Sensibility. Have you seen it? If not then you must. It is a gloomy day outside but our hearts are all warm. I hope you are having a fabulous December 30th too.

A little Tear

Christmas was wonderful...a little different, but wonderful. Christmas even dinner was at our house this year since Megan and Kendra were spending Christmas with In-laws. And surprisingly everyone made it despite the weather except one dear friend. My mom even stuck her head out the window on their drive into town so that they could see! We had a fabulous time (I got to wear my new White Black top). Appetizers were delightful, the meal was delicious, and Dad even played his guitar while we sang Christmas songs. It was perfect! Everyone packed up to go, and after some pushing, and shoveling the house was quite and Joel and I were snuggled up with our pen and paper ready to write our letter to Jesus. Then the phone rang. It was my mom telling us that Sam and Molly got stuck (but the way she started to tell me scared me because I thought they had gotten in some sort of accident) But alas they were fine, and they were on their way back to our house because they could not make it any farther. So we had some guest for Christmas morning. But we made them go finish sleeping in our room while we had our little family Christmas. We gave Israel his little toy guitar and had so much fun seeing him bat at the package and chew on the paper. Then we headed out to brave the snowy roads and see if we could make it to my parents home. We packed shovels, and scrapers and blankets just in case, and I had a bottle ready for an emergency. Thankfully we didn't need any of it, and we arrived safe and sound. We had to park in a driveway right off Indian Road and hike back almost a 1/4 of a mile with all our stuff in a foot of snow! We laughed about it and joked how we would tell Izzy of the fist Christmas he had when it snowed and we had to walk up hill both ways! Which really would be truth! We completed our second Christmas and then ended our day at the Kelleys with our third Christmas. We were very tired out, but we had a blast. I was a little sad on Saturday, knowing that Christmas was over, but it was not too bad knowing that we had 2 more Christmas celebrations to enjoy. But alas, those passed and yesterday was the official day that Christmas had ended. It was a sad day. It came too quickly this year, and passed to quickly. No more parties, no more festive activities, and no more Christmas music. Isn't that depressing? Ah well, I better get over it though and look forward to all the fun things coming up. I will keep you posted.

So have a happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Christmas spirit

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

They say that giving is better than getting...as a kid I wasn't sure this was true, but as I have grown older and hopefully more mature, I have come to experience the overwhelming excitement when you hand someone a gift that you have thought about and worked on hard for so long. You are...or at least I am giddy!!! Well today I get to give only because the Lord has graciously provided. I get the joy of taking 2 little girls, (although they are not so little anymore) who are very dear to me shopping for some new clothes! I am sooo excited! I have longed to do this for a long time and now I finally get to. In the past I have been blessed by the generosity of others and now it is my turn! Although I cannot give as much as I would want to, I am still thankful. I pray that this is a fruitful adventure and that the Lord blesses us with lots of good deals and fun finds.

Israel, I hope that as you grow, you will see that giving as Christ gave is so much more fulfilling that receiving. I hope that you see that first in daddy and I. We love you!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Where has time gone?

Today my son is 6 months old! Joel and I can't believe it! We marvel at how fast time has gone, when at the same time it feels like we have always had him. We honestly cannot remember what we did with our time before he came. Some how we filled it up, but I know we are spending our time in a much more worthwhile way now. Izzy is our little precious! He is changing and growing so fast and we are enjoying every minute of it. We look forward to many many more years with him. We love you Izzy!

We'll love you forever
We'll like you for always
As long as we're living
Our baby you'll be!

Thursday, December 10, 2009



Okay, Here it is! I finally got my dress from White Black! It is absolutely gorgeous! Well, I think so. Here are some pictures.

This is the full length picture:



 Here is a closer picture of the bust...I wanted to show you the special extra fabric that makes it so beautiful!




I was able to get it on sale so I bought these pieces of Jewelry...also on sale, but i am not sure if I am going to keep them. I cannot make decide if I want to get another article of clothing, or keep this necklace and bracelet. I do feel so pretty in them. What do you think I should do?



Anyway...I can't wait to wear these beautiful things! Thank you honey for taking that picture and winning us this opportunity!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Helpful tip

If you are like me, then you love candles and the soft, soothing, romantic feel they put off. But when the candle gets so low you can't burn it anymore, yet there is still some wax down there keeping you from putting another candle in, what do you do??? Well, this is what I would recommend.

For the candle normal candle holders
- Bring a small amount of water to a boil
- Set the candle holders in it and let the wax melt
- Immediately pour the wax into a plastic/foam cup and then immediately wash out the rest of the wax with really hot water and a sponge.
- I would recommend wearing gloves because the hot water can burn!! (learned from experience)
- Let dry

For fancy candle holders that look like wine classes (like my descriptions?)
- Use a knife to loosen the remaining wax and dump in a paper towel
- Pour a little bit of vodka into each candle holder and then use a steal scrubby and water to scrub out. you are left with a shiny clean residue free candle holder!!! 

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Christmas Time is Here!

It is December 3rd, my decorations are up, our tree is lite and sharing its wonderful pine tree smell with us, Eggnog is in the refrigerator, candy count downs are full (2 should be missing) and I am happy! I love this time of year. We try to do something Christmasy every day or night to keep us looking forward to Christmas all month long. It has been fun so far and I can't wait for the rest of the month to unfold. Our schedules pick up pretty fast hear in a couple days. But for now, we are just enjoying setting the mood, trying to get over our colds (all three of us were hit) and finishing up teaching for the semester! Well I need to go change a dirty diaper so...mommy duty calls!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Changes!

Israel is growing so fast! He is starting to sit up and is rolling over more and more...it is pretty fun! We have been trying to feed him some rice cereal for awhile, but he just doesn't like it. Last night we were at some friends house, and they were feeding their little girl some veggies (baby food form of course) and said that she didn't like the rice cereal either. So we tried some carrots with Israel and he like them! That night he slept till 7:00 in the morning when he has been normally waking up at 5:00. It was a very welcomed change.

This year, we decided to spread out our Christmas shopping and do a little bit in November and then some in December. It has been so nice! It makes me feel so organized and on top of things.

Ever since we had Izzy, I just haven't been able to get my act together as far as meal planning and shopping and fixing. So we were directed to a program called e-mealz and you pay 15.00 per 3 months, and pick a grocery store and then they generate a meal plan and grocery list for you! We decided to try it and I love it! The meals have been great...some we might not do again just because they weren't our favorite, but it has been so nice to not have to think about that and to just cook it. I like that part.

So, those are just a few of the goings on and the changes we have been seeing, all of which are very good. Are you having a good Fall?

Friday, November 20, 2009

Give-A-Way

No, it is not mine, but f you go to my friend's blog then you will see an adorable give-a-way for a stay at home mom!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Mouring

It is amazing how a tragic event can make you cling to your loved ones like never before. You start calling all the time, saying "I love you", hugging comforting and bonding together like never before. Yesterday our family received a call saying that our 13 year old cousin had been in an accident and had died. We were shocked, stunned, a reminded that life is so fragile. Agony for our extended family overwhelmed us and we are still in a state of disbelief. It is that type of thing that you don't think could ever happen to you or the ones you love, and then it does. 10 years ago or so divorce happened to one of my aunts and that was one of those things you thought would never happen, and now this. But we are comforted by the thought that God is still on His throne, and He is still in control, and somehow this is part of His marvelous plan.

I ask for your prayers, for us as we leave Monday for Little Rock Arkansas, that we would be able to be a comfort and witness to our family. Pray for my uncle John and Aunt Leslie as they mourn the loss of the middle child. Pray that they will find and cling to the hope that is in Christ.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Loverly Day

Today is turning out to be a loverly day! I know...it is only 9:00 a.m. but if you have children, then you have been up for awhile now too. My house is picked up, my dishwasher emptied and kitchen clean, my bed is made, my baby is playing happily in his toy jumpy seat after an hour nap, I have a hot cup of tea steeping in front of me with my bible study book open and ready for me to dive into, and I even fixed breakfast for my honey!!! I even lite my fall candles and they are emitting a very comforting smell. I like to see how many I can lite with one match! Sometimes it gets a little scary! I have high hopes for today...my day off from teaching (except for my sister's lesson) and am excited because today my sisters, mom, and I are getting together to plan our month of December. Sound strange? Well, we have so many family traditions and things we like to do together, that we have to get those on the calendar first. Here are some of the traditions that we grew up with:
1. Decorating the house together
2. Buying and decorating the tree
3.Watching It's a Wonderful Life
4. Assembling a Gingerbread Log Cabin
5. Writing Psalms to Jesus
6. Baking day!!!
7. Christmas shopping
And so many more little things.

Some of these...well most of them we do not do as a WHOLE family anymore because 3 of us are married, but I for one, have taken these and implemented them, or a variation of these into our little family. I love the month of December. I love how it seems like the whole world is focused on one thing. I know not everyone celebrates Christmas for the same reason, but we all make a big whoop-la over it, and I love it!! I wanted to get the most out of our Christmas season, so last year I wrote down everything that I wanted to get in, and designated a day for each of them so that every day in December we were doing something festive! It was so much fun! Here are some of our little families traditions
1. Buying and decorating the tree
2. Decorating the inside of the house (my job)
3. Decorating the outside of the house (Joel's job)
4. Making a new ornament every year
5. Watching a plethora of Christmas movies
6, We are going to see the Christmas train this year
7. Going to see Christmas lights (although last year wasn't very good... maybe because of the economy)
8. We want to build a Gingerbread house this year.
9. Stocking shopping (although I am not sure that will work out this year)
10. Having company (want to come?)
11. And so much more

I am so excited and can't wait for the festivities to begin!!!

What are some of your traditions???

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

the "Shhh's"

I have this adorable student who keeps me laughing every lesson. Today we were going over a song, and learning a lot of knew things and she kept telling me that she didn't know what this and that were, and we got to this one song and it had two rests at the beginning. She goes: "Now you don't have to tell me what those are, those are "shhh's", you can take the "shhh's" out of the flash cards because I know what those are." I just laughed She didn't know the real  name for them, and in her school music class they just say "shhh" when they come to them. Anyway, I got a hoot out of it and thought you would too.

The joy of friends

I just wrote a very lengthy melancholy post about something, and then realized you probably wouldn't want to hear all that. So hear is the short version. Certain things have been brought to my attention though my life about friendships, and just recently something very painful (not physically) happened to me to make me want to let all my friends out there know that I do need you guys. Not in a selfish way, but because we all need friends, even though we have siblings. So...I want your friendship, and I hope you want mine.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Catch-up

Does anyone else feel like they are always playing catch-up with life? I didn't used to feel this way, but ever since my family grew from two to three, I feel like I can never complete my list of "to dos". In fact...the list keeps growing longer! Please tell me I am not the only one! I was watching a tv show yesterday, and they were featuring this picture perfect family where the wife is a stay-at-home mom who does all the house work, all the laundry, all the cooking (she said in 12 years of marriage her husband has NEVER cooked a meal), she has a hot meal ready and waiting for when her husband gets home, freshens herself up for when her husband gets home, and greets her husband with a smile keeping her grumps to a later time. Anyway...I sat there wishing that I could lead such a life. It is my dream, and Joel's too, that I be able to do nothing but take care of my kids and husband, keep house and everything that goes with that. I do enjoy teaching, I just wish I could maybe have two students instead of 20 (18 really). So I was sitting there drooling over what looked like a perfect life, and thinking of all the ways that I was messing up in light of this family. Then Joel got home...and no, I did not keep my grumpiness to myself for a later time. I spilled my beans, and cried my worries, and then when Joel asked if there was anything he could do for me, I, through my tears said that the rugs needed to be put in the wash. I was crying because as I was saying this, I was thinking of the perfect wife on tv that never lets her husband do laundry! Anyway that was a long intro into the rest of my blog...so, since I am constantly playing catch-up, I am going to catch you up on my family's happenings of late. 

  • The pumpkin patch was a must for me this year since we have Izzy. I know he will not remember this year, but it was still so cute to take lots of pictures with him all bundled up in a pile of pumpkins. We went to the patch that I grew up going to and have pictures of when I was small. We got there and childhood memories started flowing...except the pumpkins where all in nice piles and when I was small I remember them just being in messy piles that we climbed all over! Oh, well, it still made for good pictures. We also had to buy some peanuts since every drive home when I was a kid was full of "Can I have some more peanuts?" and the car covered in shells. It was a perfect evening for the pumpkin patch, nice and cool and crisp. Here are some pictures



  • Our precious Izzy was dedicated Sunday October 25th!  In our hearts we always new that he was the Lords and that the Lord had just loaned him to us, but sometimes in the midst of everyday activities and the day-in and day-out process of taking care of a baby, you forget that you are a servant of the King of Kings and that the little baby that you are breaking your back for, is a precious gift from the Lord and that he really belongs to Him. 



  • Izzy is growing out of his clothes so fast. He weighs only 3 pounds less than his cousin who is 9 months older than he is!
  • Joel and I went to see the So You Think You Can Dance tour at the BOK center, and it was AWESOME!
  • We are now a converse family:



  • We started Izzy on rice cereal a couple weeks ago, and it has been so funny to watch his facial expressions!
  • Joel bought a little grill and has been treating me to delicious grilled chicken and hamburgers!
  • My little guy is now in a size 3 diaper, and going through a growth spurt that is waking him up at 4:00 in the morning!
So that is all I can think of right now, so I will talk to you later!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Something Unexpected

Today was....well...a rough day to say the least. Israel is going through a season of unpredictability. Some of you may laugh, and say as my mom said "Hannah, all that you can predict is their unpredictability!" But, this being my first child, and having him on a schedule that I knew exactly when he was going to eat and pretty much how long he was going to sleep and so on, it has been quite difficult for me to go from that to not knowing anything! I have cried many tears, and have asked many experienced moms, and get all different answers. I know though, that they have been praying for me, and if fact Tracy Shiew, my beloved friend and mentor, has prayed with me over the phone while I was in tears and making me feel better by saying that it is an emotional time, and I shouldn't feel bad for being concerned. But...I also need to not be too concerned and realize that everything is going to be okay and that he is eating great and sleeping all night, and this too shall pass and while it is here, I must enjoy my little Izzy!

Anyway, all that to say, as we were heading out to my moms after a long day of Israel not sleeping too good, I got a call from my brother-in-law and he said that his neighbor was having a garage sale and was selling a really nice looking kitchen table with 8 chairs! Even though Joel and I were not expecting to shell out money for such a big item, we have been wanting a bigger table for guests, and eventually a larger family. So we headed over just to take a peek. We ended up really liking it, and the lady even let us take a chair home and try to visualize the whole thing in our home. It is definitely bigger, but it still fits, and it has an extra leaf built into it! It is actually really cool and nifty! You pull apart the table and unfold the extra leaf. How cool is that?!? So...we bought it!
...I was going to post a picture but my silly computer is taking too long. I will try again later!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Busy, busy, busy

Today was one of those days that you felt like you had already had a day by 11:00 a.m.! You know what I'm talking about? Not to say that it didn't have it's happy moments, or as I like to say, red shoe moments. It started out with Israel waking up a little bit early and woke me out of those sleeps where you feel like you could sleep forever. He was a good boy though and laid in our bed for about 30 minutes, just quietly letting us snooze. But 6:30 came and I dragged myself out of bed to go fix the bottle. Faith came over to stay with him while I took Joel to work since Israel was already down for his first morning nap. Joel and I left and decided to sneak in a little special breakfast on the go, so we went through the drive through of our favorite place...Starbucks! They have these buns called Morning Buns, that are absolutely to die for! Maybe not so good for the hips though. I came back home from dropping Joel off and scurried around trying to clean up my house. It was a rainy morning, and I like my house clean on rainy days. I jumped in the shower, got myself ready to go, got Israel up, fed him, put him in the car, headed out again to go to the chiropractor. But not before we stopped at Target to get some diapers ( a must have these days) and then back to Joel's work to pick him up again to come to the dr. with us. Wow! Does that sound like a busy morning to you??? Oh and I almost forgot...Israel doesn't like his carseat, so he screams 99% of the time, plus it was rainy, so that didn't make our errands any easier. Then after the chiropractor, there was a slow stop at a drive through chinese place while Israel cried, and then a stop at Joanne's Fabric store, where I ran into several not very helpful people. Ah well, I was glad to get back in the car and amazingly enough enjoy a quiet drive home. My afternoon as been quiet with little Izzy taking his nap, but it hasn't been pain free. I went to walk on our tread mill, and I jumped off while it was still going to go fix something. That was successful, but as I was getting back on, I think I became distracted, and didn't remember how fast the belt was moving. I got all tripped up and ended up on my knees rolling back and trying to get up at the same time and got strawberries on both my knees! I haven't had one of these since I was a kid!!! They hurt!!!

So the red shoe moments was getting breakfast with Joel, finding a new make-up bag, having a quiet afternoon, and loosing 2 pounds in 2 days! I know it doesn't sound like much, but I am rejoicing at every little ounce that comes off! My goal? 4 more pounds to pre-baby weight, and 9 more pounds to pre-wedding weight.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Live well, laugh often, love much

I have always like this quote, but the other day I realized I was not living it. I was reading another blog, and one sentence jumped out at me...something about how they were enjoying life. I realized that in all my feeling sorry for myself for different things, I was missing out on enjoying my life as it is! I have so many things to be grateful for: My wonderful husband, my adorable son, my family, friends, my church, and oh so much more. So I really would like to just relax, and enjoy life a little more than I am, and be thankful for all my blessings. 

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Why Me?

As I mentioned in my previous post, Israel has had a neck problem going on, and it has been very troubling to both Joel and I. There came a point when I was really not please with the Lord and His decision to inflict us with this mystery. I wondered why He would want Israel to be like this, and didn't see any good in it at all. It was just frustrating. I would pray...beg the Lord to strengthen his neck, and then cringe all day long every time I looked at him, because the poor baby was seeing everything crooked! Our pediatrician told us to go see a chiropractor and see if he could help at all. We went and were very pleased. He adjusted Izzy, and said that his neck muscle on that side was a little tight. By the next day we could already see improvement. We have been again, and we keep seeing more and more improvement in other areas as well. I started to praise the chiropractor for fixing Izzy, since it appeared that God wasn't answering my prayers. How wrong could I be. How ashamed I was when I figured this out. I was so ashamed that I could barely form words to thank the Lord for working THROUGH the chiropractor. Last night I confessed to the Lord that I was angry with Him, and sorry for it, and asked Him to help me respond in a better way if this happens again, or when something else that I don't understand comes along.

I am very thankful that my child looks like a normal child again, and pray that it stays that way. I have so much more to write, but I have dinner to make and a baby to feed, and a headache to get rid of. So good bye for now.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Pills and Bills

This is that time of year I guess, when everyone is getting sick. Well, I sure have had my share of the cold. For weeks now I have been battling the comings on of a cold and trying my best to nip it in the bud. Just when I think that I have, it comes back again. Morning and evenings were spent blowing my nose and feeling...not too good. But through it all I was so thankful that little Israel and my husband were still healthy.

But Israel has had something else going on that has concerned me even more. His little head tends to favor one side of his neck more than the other so that it tilts to the left. He can move it and turn it, but no matter what it seems to still tilt to the left and if you mess with it, he doesn't like that. Not because it hurts but because he seems to like that his world is tilted. But yesterday I laid him down on his tummy and realized that his torso looked a little curved. We read about this disorder called Torticallis and that it could be spinal...so my thoughts began to race. I am trying to trust the Lord but it is so hard when I see other babies and they are holding their head up so good, and then I look at my precious little lamb and he is not. I know he can because he has done it before...but for some reason he is not right now. So many reason run through my mind, and I am very anxious to figure out a solution. We have a chiropractor appointment tomorrow, and I have a call into his ped., so hopefully we can get the ball rolling on this soon. But then Saturday night Izzy didn't sleep very well, Sunday I got him up from his nap (shorter than usual) and he had a runny nose! Yes, my little guy had gotten a cold. And Joel woke up with something too. But we have started some home remedies, and we seem to be stopping this cold in it's tracks. We are praying that it only gets better and not worse. But we have been popping the pills (vitamins) and it is costing us some pretty big bills, but hey, that's the cost of health. I praise the Lord for the funds, and pray that He continues to provide!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Milestones and Miracles

I subscribe to the magazine Real Simple. I love it! It is one of my guilty pleasures that my husband so graciously allows me to have. In one of the recent magazines, they were announcing there second annual life lesson writing contest. You could enter an essay about when you realized that you had grown up and have a chance to win multiple prizes, one of which was two round trip tickets to NYC and 3,000 dollars! I decided that I could do this. Then I thought..."but I don't feel grown up yet." Then I realized that yes, I was grown up and I knew when I had reached that point. I would like to share with you my essay about Milestones and Miracles in my life.



Milestones and Miracles

“I won’t grow up, I grow up, I don’t want to go to school, just to learn to be a parrot, and recite a silly rule” rings in my ears as I remember dancing around cleaning house with my siblings, listening to the soundtrack of Peter Pan. I grew up in a little three bedroom house with seven siblings. I am the third oldest, which gave me two older sisters to help take care of me and also five younger siblings for whom at times I was responsible. Our parents did an excellent job of dividing household chores and tasks among the eight of us.  Along with that they instilled in us the importance of self-governance and a solid work ethic so that we would carry out our responsibilities without being asked over and over.  Thankfully my parents also encouraged us to be kids - to play make believe and giggle to our hearts content. Today all of us sit around reminiscing and laugh at the many memories we made together in our younger days.

For years my dad has taught in public schools, but ironically my parents chose to home school to ensure that they passed their Biblical world view on to us. Along with all the standard academia, we were taught character and how to live in harmony with one another. Looking back it seems that the things we were taught then aren’t normally learned until later in life. 

It seems that life sets milestones before you whether or not you are ready.  Regardless of my state of readiness, these milestones always have a way of growing me up in one way or another.  Milestone number one: my oldest sister got married.  This was the first major family change.  As Megan left our home to be with Chris, we all had to grow up a little. Out of all the siblings, Megan knew me the best. Now, I was forced to stand on my own more and begin to establish my own identity. Chores and responsibilities were shuffled around as we all had to fill the gap Megan left.  In our army of siblings, I was then promoted to “second in command.”

Upon graduating from high school, I found abilities in myself that I never knew I had. I discovered Kindermusik (©), and took the training to become a certified educator. This was a springboard into teaching private piano lessons, which I have done now for the past seven years.  Through these experiences, I learned so many things about myself. I learned how to work with other people (other than my huge family), and how to keep order and set guidelines for my students. I also gained a greater appreciation for my family. They were always there to offer advice and a listening ear.

During the summer of 2004 my family bought some land thirty miles away from town as I knew it.  After twenty years of living in the city, county life and all the bugs and dirt, proved to be a difficult transition for me. Looking back, I wish that I had rejoiced more in this step towards my parents’ dream and pouted less about what I didn’t like. Life was now busier. Going to work in the morning meant packing for the entire day and coordinating my schedule with the needs of my other siblings. I soon found myself completely discontented and longing to get out of the house, instead of doing my part to bring my family closer together. It was during this period of my life where I began to understand what contentment really meant.

But living so far away from everything, or so it seemed, didn’t keep me from meeting the man of my dreams. The wedding day came, which would be the next big milestone in my life. After almost two years, of dreaming, planning and preparing for this day, I finally got to marry my prince. A year ago I would say that this was the point where I had finally become all grown up. But soon I would find that to not be true. Married life took us through many hardships that would prepare me for the biggest, most life changing event of all.

The following summer, we found out that our apartment was infested with bed bugs. We began the long battle of dealing with difficult apartment managers, and ridding our place of these horrible sneaky creatures. This led us to desire a real house of our own. House hunting began, and then ended and then house remodeling began, and didn’t end as soon as we would have liked. Once our house was finished, and we had made it a home, I was now ready to start a family. But since my husband wasn’t quite ready yet, I found myself again discontent with my life. I eventually gave this desire over to the Lord, and asked Him to show me His timing by working through my husband. Not too long after that Joel came to me with the desire to begin our family.

After a couple months of trying to get pregnant, the anxiety set in; it wasn’t happening like I thought it would.  I found myself all tied up in knots wondering what was wrong and discontent again with the circumstances that were not within my control. I realized, nearly too late, that I was living my life constantly looking forward to the next thing. Tears began to flow as I realized the regret that I would feel if I didn’t enjoy this precious time that I had alone with my husband before we had children. I realized that I needed to enjoy the now, but not get so comfortable that I wouldn’t be willing to accommodate change. Reaching this state of mind was incredibly difficult but it saved me! I began enjoying my life the way it was because, by the grace of God, I was now truly content with my life. Then the day came: we were pregnant!

The following months of preparation, eating, dreaming, picking a name and setting up the nursery were so wonderful. At times I would feel overwhelmed and frantically wonder if we had made the right decision to get pregnant. Each time my husband would confidently assure me that we had. The day finally came: labor pains began and didn’t stop.  We knew we would have our baby that day! At 3:31 pm on June 18th 2009 I officially grew up. I looked at my husband leaning over our baby with camera in hand and turned to my mom and said “I did it!” I had given birth to a perfect little miracle! Those years of thinking that I was a grown up and deserving of one thing or another all seemed so insignificant compared to the little human life that had been created inside of me.

No longer am I the little girl that once played dress-up and cared for my dolls, I now have the ultimate privilege of caring for and nurturing my own real baby. I know that there will be other milestones in my life, but this was that moment that officially started my years of being all grown up.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Grace, Grace, Marvelous Grace

Yesterday, my husband was invited to the OU football game. I encouraged him to go because I knew that he would want to, but inside I didn't want him to go because I didn't want to spend all day Saturday by myself. So I started feeling sorry for myself and thinking off all the fun things that Joel has gotten to do lately, and forgetting all the fun things I have been able to do as well, like when Joel babysat Izzy while I went and spent the whole evening with my girlfriends. So I complained. That made Joel feel bad and so he decided that he needed to reward me for all my hard work. By that time I had realized my wrong, and apologized for it, but he still wanted to surprise me with something. This started a whole big discussion about how I didn't want him to because I had complained and didn't deserve anything, and that I wouldn't enjoy it fully because I had gotten it by complaining, but he kept saying how he had forgiven me and that he was NOT doing it because I complained but because he loved me. We went back and forth like this, and I was really struggling. I knew that he had forgiven me, but I was unable to forgive myself. Joel kept saying "Grace, babe, it's grace." Finally I gave in, and allowed him to "bless" me, as he put it. There are so many times that I mess up in a day, not to Joel, but to my Heavenly Father, but He forgives me every time. So many times I have a hard time forgiving myself because I am so disappointed in myself for messing up AGAIN. But I am sure that He just looks down, and says "Grace, my child, grace." And reminds me that I don't DESERVE anything, but He chooses to bless me just because He loves me. Thank you Joel for being a picture of Christ in my life. I love you!

Oh and the surprise??? Nails! I have been wanting to get my nails done for awhile, and so he treated me to some beautiful nails...for now at least. They look gorgeous, and I feel dainty and beautiful!

Meet me at the Fair!

Fall is here and so is the Tulsa State Fair. I really don't care to much for the fair except seeing all the nice cars and getting in them and dreaming about owning one one day, and smelling all the yummy, greasy, fattening foods that make your mouth drool and your heart sad that you can't spend 10.00 on dip 'n' dots. I grew up going to the fair, but we were never able to ride the rides or buy the food. We would catch the acrobats or feel the warm bubbly water in the display hot tubs, pick out which car we wanted, walk through the houses that were on display, or visit the smelly animal barn where we got to pet all the exotic animals. One year we came home with those scrunchy shoe laces, you know the ones; they come in all different colors and they make it so you don't have to tie your shoes. All you have to do is tug and pull and struggle to pull your shoes on! Well, the "not tying your shoes" part caught my mom's attention. Even though we were never able to ride the rides, or eat the food, the fair and spending time with family was always something fun to look forward to. So needless to say, it is a must do for the fall, just like going to a football game. Last year, Joel and I went before we knew I was pregnant, so this year I wanted to take Izzy. So we bundled ourselves up and headed out. We got there, and drove around looking for a parking space for at least 20 min. The place was packed...did everyone decide to go on Wednesday night??? Finally we MADE a parking space, prayed that our car wouldn't get towed, loaded up the stroller, put Izzy's pumpkin hat on and head out. The whole reason we really wanted to go was to get a funnel cake. I told Joel that I wanted to go to the fair, but I wasn't going to torture myself this year with all the smells, so we had to get SOMETHING to eat! So we SPLIT a funnel cake. All in all it was a grand time. We danced to country music, laughed at Israel laughing, and enjoyed the crisp cool weather...and our funnel cake. Izzy was a perfect baby, even in the cool weather. Our car was still there when we got back to it, and our home was warm as it welcomed us back after a very fall evening.


Happy Fall!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

When it rains, it pours

Do you ever feel like nothing exciting is happening in your life, you are just going from one normal thing to another normal thing, until all of a sudden BAM! Everything happens at once? That is what this story is about. This week has been pretty normal, nothing to really write home about, until today...Thursdays seem to be when it all happens, at least right now. I woke up to my little Izzy fussing at 6:00, when he wasn't supposed to get up till 7:00 (haha), and let him fuss and doze till 6:30, when I reluctantly rolled out of my warm bed to start another day. Joel left with the intention of returning around 11:00 so that I could go to lunch with Megan my sister. So I busied myself sweeping and mopping, and straightening up my messy house so as not to embarrass myself in front of my quests. For I was going to have tea! I was so excited to get cleaned up and have my house clean, since it was raining, and then get out some tea cups, and brew a hot pot of coffee to serve with some chocolate! What better thing to do on a rainy day! Unfortunately Joel accidentally forgot about coming back home, but it was probably for the better since by that time it was pouring rain, and Izzy was finally asleep after not much of a morning nap. So 2:00 came and one of my quests arrived. Then the excitement began. I got a call from my other guest, and dear friend, who had been in a car accident and was just a mess. She had her baby with her and everyone was okay, but of course it startled her. So my friend and I jumped in her car to go over and help her out. I rushed out of the house without the diaper bag and without...a house key. I have been without one for awhile, but I have always had the garage opener, but since Joel had the car, I had neither. But I didn't realize this until we got back home. The babies were finally asleep, and the whether was not looking so bright, and we were locked out of our house. I called Joel, and was thankful when he said he would come to our rescue and finish out work at home. So out of desperation to try to salvage what was left of this afternoon, I took my friend to this darling little chocolate shop in downtown Broken Arrow. It started pouring just as we got there. We had a lovely time sitting by the window sipping our coffee and eating our delicious piece of chocolate. It was an absolutely perfect red shoes moment, and...I was wearing my red shoes!

4:30 pm, Joel was home, and Izzy had eaten and was lying on the floor playing, when I looked down and he had rolled onto his side! I squealed in delight and Joel ran for the video camera. He started recording, and Izzy rolled all the way over, from his back to his stomach! He still hasn't figured out how to get his arm out from under him, so we had to help him with that once he was all the way over, but he did it!



                           This is him in the process of rolling over!
                                                         
It was so exciting. He is growing up so fast. He is starting to laugh more, and not just when we tickle him, and now he is rolling over! Oh how fun, but oh how it makes me kinda sad. But I will enjoy this stage just as I have the others. I love being a mom, a wife, and a homemaker...so this was a perfect red shoes day...even with the little mishaps, that made me laugh at myself just to keep me from crying.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

This and That

Have so many things happened to you over a short period of time, and you say "oh I could blog about that, or I could journal that", but then it never happens because life keeps happening, and then when you do have time to sit down and reflect you have forgotten all the events that you were going to document! Frustrating to say the least. So, I will do my best. This week I have had off from teaching and it has been wonderful! Monday was a crazy day because I do group lessons on the last Monday of every month (then I get the rest of the week off). But this Monday was even crazier than a normal crazy Monday because our pediatrician wanted to see Izzy that day. I had called in on Friday saying that he was favoring one side over the other, and he kept slumping his head to the left and leaving it there. He wouldn't let us move it either without some fuss, so it was kind of worrying me. Not wanting to wait any longer I said that we could come in, knowing it was going to cut it really close...it did. I got home, and I had students already waiting for me. Of course they all understood, and we had a wonderful group lesson. Tuesday, Israel decided that he didn't want to go to the eye doctor so he started to hold his head up really well, and had ever since! It is amazing...the little peanut! Wednesday I got my new camera! Here are some of the first photos that I took. My favorite is the one with Izzy and his pumkin hat!!

                                                              Izzy sporting his OSU shirt!


                                                               Adorable pumpkin hat!!!


Thursday started out a wonderful day, Israel was doing great, and then we decided to leave the house. Normally this is not a problem, except that these days it is harder to get anywhere with a 16 pound baby in a car seat! But...this day would be different. We were exiting off the highway onto I-44, and traffic was heavy. I had to stop pretty quickly, while putting a paci in Izzy's mouth. I noticed the car behind me was pretty close and hoped that he wouldn't hit me. But the car behind him couldn't stop, and it was a domino affect. Israel started screaming which scared me, so I pulled over, jumped out, and got him out. Thankfully he was just fine. After about an hour, we were on our way with nothing but a sore neck and back for me. Friday morning, Joel and I went to Panera as usually, and then I took him to work. On the way home, I heard that Kendra had gone into labor! 8 days early!!! That whole day was spent in anticipation waiting for THE call. I jumped at every call from my family, until finally Shawn called to say that Michael Henry had been born. What a fun evening we had seeing the tiny little new bundle of joy!


My new little 6 lb 9 oz nephew! Michael Henry

Friday night after spending time at the hospital, Joel and I came home and put Israel to bed and had our second Friday night trying a new recipe and cooking it together. It was Tequila-lime chicken (the alcohol cooks out of course) with a cilantro/red onion/pepper/hot sauce mix piled high on top!  Here it is!


 
With Mexican rice on the side!

So that was my crazy week, and of course you can tell since it is Monday again, and I am just now getting this out! But it was a fun week (except for the wreck) Chow.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

A Woman's Perogative

For a few weeks now I have been pretty overwhelmed, and wondering how in the world I am going to keep up with everything. I am wearing three hats all at the same time, well, at least two at the same time: Mom and piano teacher, and then mom and wife. So one day when I had gotten several calls about piano, I called Joel not knowing what to do, how much more I could handle. I told him that if I took this student, I would need some help. My dear husband, always ready to offer a helping hand, readily agreed, and said he would help with anything. So, after feeling okay about this, and feeling like this could work...The guilt set in. When I see him helping, I get this guilty feeling, like I should be taking care of everything, and it is my job to clean the kitchen and empty the dishwasher (my least favorite thing to do), and my job to keep the house clean etc. So one minute I am complaining about not having enough hours in the day and throwing a hissy fit, and then the next minute, after I have gotten the help I complained for, I am feeling guilty and like a failure for not being able to do a thousand things at once. What is wrong with me??? My sister loving told me that I needed to get over this! So yesterday the husband and I had a little talk. I asked him if he felt like I was passing off too much of my responsibility onto him. He graciously said no, but that sometimes he would like to just chill for awhile. From the very beginning of the new adventure (raising a child), he told me that we were a team in this, so I shouldn't feel guilty having him help me when he gets home. He has a day, I have a day, and then we finish it off together. I like that! That makes me happy. We agreed that if he needed some time to just chill, then we would chill together, and then do whatever needs to be done. And then at the end, when Izzy is safe in his bed, dreaming sweet dreams, and the kitchen is clean, then we can both relax together with freshly popped popcorn, and both be happily tired.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Sick

Well, for the past couple weeks I have been fighting a cold. I have been able to keep it just a sniffle, but it has gotten worse. I am sneezing all the time, which means I am blowing my nose even more than that, which means my nose it turning red, which means I am miserable. I keep getting to where I think I am better and then it comes back with a vengeance. No, I have had worse, but this has lasted for so long, that I am getting really tired of it. I can't even get through a diaper change without having to blow my nose. I have even blown my nose with a wipe to prevent it dripping on Izzy! I know, pathetic right? Anyway, thankfully I do not have to teach this week except for today. So maybe I will have more time to rest. Hope everyone else is having a red shoe day! 

Saturday, September 26, 2009

A Dream is a wish your heart makes...

Okay, before I tell you what wonderful thing happened to me today, I must preface it with this. Back in May Joel entered a photography contest put on by Uitca Square. This was the first year for the contest, and everyone who wanted to, could come and take pictures of their flowers, and then enter up to 5 pictures. This is the picture Joel entered.


So, in June we were supposed to find out the winner, and believe it or not...he won!!! The prize...brace yourselves...1000.00 in utica square gift certificates! Oh boy, were we going to have fun with this. My dream has been to be able to by a dress from Black House White Market. Most of their dresses are very classy and elegant, and everything is very expensive! One time I told Joel that a perfect date would be for me to buy a dress from there, and then go to a nice restaurant. So the first thing that he said when he won the money, was "you are getting at least one dress from White and Black!" Isn't that sweet! So today, we decided to go to Utica, because when you do, everything is made better. While we were there, we went into White and Black, and I became a princess. The lady was at my beck and call, and it was so fun to tell her that I was in to by a dress "just for fun". She brought me beautiful dresses, and gorgeous shoes. I was in heaven. I tried on three or four dresses and the last one, Joel said was his favorite. So I went into White and black a normal person, and came out a princess with a beautiful dress.

"Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it" (Anne of Green Gables)

Today is the Tomorrow...if that makes sense. I wrote the title yesterday, and that is as far as I got. That kinda explains what my day was like! The day started off pretty crummy with me not feeling well. So I took advantage of Izzy's first two morning naps and took a nap myself, hoping to put the afternoon to good use by cleaning my house. Does anyone else feel like no matter how hard they clean, it never looks clean??? That is how it has been for me for the past couple weeks. I don't know if I have too many things...which could be...but, I am at loss to know what to do. So I had high aspirations for the afternoon, and was able to get a few things done...then Israel woke up. Usually this is not a problem, but yesterday for some reason he wouldn't be entertained by his Eric Carl toys! He was unusually cranky. Finally Joel got home (I say finally because the whole day was going slow, but in all actuality, he was home earlier than normal), and he started trying to make my day better. We were going to go to Utica Square, but with Izzy being his cranky self, and us needing to get him in bed, we nixed that idea. Then we were going to all go get some groceries for dinner, just so I could get out of the house, but again with Izzy's crankiness, Joel just went. 7:00, the glorious hour, rolled around and I fed Israel his last feeding before bed. 7:30 came too, and we laid our precious tired baby down. He proved his tiredness with going to sleep with barely any crying. Now, the evening was ours! We decided to try out a new recipe for dinner (no we hadn't eaten yet...), and so Joel made us some fun juicy drinks, we turned on Michael Bueble, and we began. It was so much fun, that we decided that we should make Friday night (if we had nothing else going on) our "try a new recipe, and cook it together" night. So this morning as I sit at my dining room table, drinking my non fat smoothie, enjoying these quite moments while Israel sleeps, listening to the dull roar of the lawn mower, and contemplating whether to blow 30.00 bucks on a haircut...I hope that today is a little better. I pray that I can break this cycle of boring, non-motivated days, and start enjoying the days I have nothing going on.

Oh, and Joel also surprised me with a red camera!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Rainbows and Promises

Monday was a pretty tough day. I went to teach, hoping that Izzy would lay down and take a nap, but no, that was not in his plan. So although he was a cutie pie, he made teaching a little challenging. That afternoon it started pouring rain, and what made it worse, was that I had to get out in it to go pick up Joel. I had high hopes of running some errands while I had the help, but because of the horrible traffic, and my car sick husband (he gets car sick when he doesn't drive) a quick run to Neighborhood Market was all the errands I would be getting done. Hobby Lobby would have to wait, much to my dismay. I was mad. And I didn't respond in the right way. I wish that I had heard Tuesday's Bible study lecture earlier! I started feeling sorry for myself, wondering why my plans ALWAYS got ruined, why EVERYTHING I want to do NEVER works out. After I raised my voice at Joel, (shame on me) and used those words, always, everything, and never, I realized that it was not true. I was just feeling sorry for myself over ONE thing that didn't work out, and then all of a sudden EVERYTHING in my life was horrible. I quickly apologized and thanked Joel for all his help and willingness to run errands for and with me. Thankfully he quickly forgave. I wish that I could say I snapped out of my "feeling sorry for myself" state, but I didn't, I wanted to brew a little longer. Then the Lord got me. I sat down to feed Izzy, and Joel exclaimed "there's a rainbow!" I looked outside, and all across the sky was a beautify rainbow. It was as if the Lord was telling me: "Hannah, I am still here, and I care about you, I haven't forgotten about you or your desires and dreams." The rainbow is a symbol of God's promise to not destroy the earth again with a flood, but that night it spoke much more to me. God has promised to never leave me nor forsake me, and He reminded me of that with the rainbow.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Rosie to the Rescue

Happy Monday to you all!

This weekend was quite a boring one for me. With everything that I have to do, I was bored, I know, sounds strange. But I was. Thursday I was home all day, which was nice, I did nothing of much importance, just read a lot, and played with Izzy. By Friday, I had run out of creative things to say to Izzy, and by that night, I had to get out of the house. I went to pick up Joel and I told him I didn't want to go home...so we went to Hobby Lobby, one of my favorite places to go EVER! Saturday I was in tears because Joel was leaving again to go do some yard work and I couldn't bare the thought of another day by myself. Joel was so sweet and was willing to go to the ends of the earth for me just to make me happy. So first, he let me go to starbucks ALL BY MYSELF once I laid Izzy down for his nap. Oh what joy!!! When I got back, he drove me out to my mom's (pretty much to the end of the earth) so that I wouldn't be lonely.

Saturday night, when we were a family again, I was walking on the treadmill, Joel was talking with Izzy who was playing on his little play mat, and Israel almost rolled over!!! I almost cried! My baby is growing up! Sorry I don't have any pictures of it...our little camera broke! So, my sweet husband is going to get me a RED one!!

But all of the tales from this weekend are not what my title is all about. Today (Monday) I was driving in the car, and my little baby was so tired he was crying, and he kept spitting out his paci. So I turned on one of my favorite cds...Rosie Thomas...and Izzy settled right down, took his paci and fell asleep! Well...makes sense, since I listened to it ALL THE TIME while I was pregnant! So thank you Rosie!!!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Treasure Hunt

Today I put Izzy in a tee-shirt that says: "It's hard to be humble when you're from Razorback country." Here he is getting ready to take a bath, but I wanted to make sure that I got a picture of him in this shirt because it is the only Razorback thing we have right now! This will have to change!



Today the Lord gave me little insights into how we are with Him, or should be. Today, I was getting Izzy's bottle ready, and he saw it and got all excited. I thought: "That is how we should be with God's word, we should be so eager to drink in the truths of God's word whenever we get a chance." After feeding Izzy, I decided to trim his nails before he hurt himself, and so I took his little hand, and tried to trim oh so carefully as he tried to pull his hand away. That brought to mind, how the Lord tries to trim away things in our lives that might eventually hurt us, and we try to squirm away because it is uncomfortable. Izzy bore it well, didn't really get mad, just sat there, not really understanding what I was doing, but trusting me fully. May I trust MY Lord when I don't understand why He is doing something, believing that it is the best for me.

I realized today that I don't have any pictures of my darling little boy. So here are some of my favorites.




Mission 101

Today I embark on a new mission. I want to train myself to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living, and to pull something from my everyday activities that I can learn about myself, life in general, the Lord, or whatever. So...I will be blogging about my everyday experiences being a wife and mom, about my red shoe experiences, and about the lessons I learn. My goal is to someday have my children read this, and see Christ through me. I want them to be able to learn from my mistakes, or learn from my triumphs. I them to see that they can laugh at themselves, be themselves, and see how even the mundane things we do all day, add up to something wonderful!

I am Hannah Kathleen Kelley

Yesterday was a red shoe day in a round about way. It started off with coffee and shortbread with my dear mother-in-law since one of my piano families canceled on me. It was a somewhat rainy day, so it was perfect for getting out my china, and having some girl time. Then that afternoon, the day turned chaotic! Joel and I have been planning on going on a date to see the movie: Julie Julia, sometime this weekend. Thankfully we found out just in time that the movie was only going to be in theaters for a couple more days. So to make a long story short, we decided to go last night, sper of the moment, because mom was available to babysit. But that made for a crazy 3 hours, from when we found out that this could work, till I dropped Izzy off with mom and Joel and I were by ourselves.

Dinner was delicious, the movie was fun, but it wasn't till we got home that something extraordinary happened. Every once in a while, I get in this funk where I feel like I am not good at anything, and I don't have something that I can link with my name that people know me for. I do a lot of things semi-well, and it bothers me. Some people are dancers, some people are piano teachers, and are really accomplished musicians themselves (I am not, hence I teach beginners). Some are artists, some are singers, writers, chefs, etc. Me????I can do all of that, but not extremely well. I am not known as one particular thing. I am a wife, a mother, and then a hodgepodge of a bunch of other things. Well, last night in the movie, the girl felt the same way, that her life really had no meaning. So she decided to go through the cookbook: The art of French Cooking and try all the recipes in just one year, and then blog about it. After the movie, I told Joel that I wanted to do something like that, so we started brainstorming, but each idea led to me saying "But that is not original, everyone does that", or "so-and-so does that and they are good at it", or "I am not a good writer, I shouldn't even try."

Joel saw through me to the root problem. He sat down next to me, and gently and lovingly told me that I shouldn't find my identity in anything other than the Lord, and in who the Lord made me to be: a wife and mom. To this I cried, "But everyone is a wife and mom"! I was still trying to find something that I could call my own, and be good at all by myself. But alas, there is nothing new under the sun! This led to many tears, and many revelations. I was able to voice my fears, and my way of thinking, and through that I realized that I didn't really know who I was! For so long I h been trying to be like other people...like what they like, do what I see other people like to do (except the bad things) that I had forgotten who I was. Joel looked at me and said "I know who you are...you are Hannah Kelley, 3 oldest of 8; you like to drink coffee and read a book on rainy days, with a clean house, you like red shoes....and the list went on. He made me cry, and laugh. He ended with saying that I could do the things I wanted to: blog, craft, whatever, but only because I liked to, not to compare myself with other people, or to be like other people.

I felt so free! I was free to be my own person? To do what I liked, and I didn't have to be original? I could do it, just because I like to, because my identity is in Christ. He made me to be a wife and mother, the highest calling I could be called to, and He made me to enjoy doing many things. No, I might not make lots of money doing them, or get recognized or famous for them, but I can still enjoy them. I am Hannah Kathleen Kelley, wife of Joel Kelley, the best man in the world, mother of Israel Kelley, the sweetest baby in the world, and daughter to the King of Kings, and Lord of Lords. That is who I am!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

You in your small corner, and I in mine

Here I sit in my "small secret place", as Joel calls it. Last week, Joel and I reorganized our office space, by putting the desk in the closet, and hanging some curtains in the opening, so that we could close off the mess, if it became one, and thus open up wall space for something else. Ironically, the desk has stayed clean for over a week now! I have adopted it as my secret place. I sit down with my bible and notebook, and close the curtains, and am transported into my own little world, (until my baby wakes up and needs to be fed). As much as I love my little boy, and love taking care of him, and playing with him, I love these precious moments with me, and my Lord, or me and what ever I want to do.

Before I had Israel, I had these moments all the time, but they were boring to me. I wanted to be around people, and around noise, to keep me from getting lonely. I took for granted these quiet moments that I crave for now. Thank you Lord for giving me this quiet moment right now, where I can sit, set apart from everything and think about You and what You are doing in my life.

You are doing a lot Lord, and most of it I don't understand yet. Three months ago my life turned upside down. I am finally starting to get into some kind of routine. Israel is on a schedule that is working well with my teaching, (answer to prayer!) and I am trying to keep up with laundry, and the house work. I have started exercising, and doing my quiet time regularly for the past week or so, and I feel great because of it! But inside, Lord, something is not right. Inside my soul, I feel uneasy, I feel like I am walking on my tiptoes, not sure of anything. Not sure of my life, and where You are in it. I am going through a Bible study about Esther, and have been told that even though Your name is no where to be found IN the book, you are ON it. You are involved in everything that took place in Esther's life, therefore I have to trust that You are involved in mine. But where? Fear has over taken me...I realized that the other night. I have been living my life in fear. Everything I say I can't handle, I fear You will bring upon me. I am afraid if I don't check on Israel one final time, that will be the time that something happens to him. Something goes wrong in the house, and I freak out unnecessarily. Then there is money...what is there NOT to worry about? Since Israel came I worry more about our finances, because of the extra expenses we have now. I say to myself and to others that "if the Lord made it so that Israel needed to be bottle fed, then He will provide the funds for formula." But why can't I really believe that in such a way that I LIVE it! Lord, I feel like my spirit is not at rest, and I need You to put it at rest. Show me what steps I need to take to be able to curl up under your wing and stay there, knowing that you hold MY whole world in YOUR hands.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Fresh new start!

I love Fall. I love the smell of new pencils, and fresh paper. I love new supplies like new pens, and fun little organizing trinkets. I love being on a schedule and sticking to it. I love a clean house, with everything in its place.

Yesterday (Labor Day), Joel and I really labored. We tore apart our office, and totally reorganized it. To do that, we had to allow the rest of the house to become a disaster, but once we were done with it, we loved it. We worked from 9:00-5:00 with a 15 min break for lunch. Israel was a trooper. He took all his naps really well, and was an angel when he was up. Thank you Izzy!

Although I started teaching last week, it was so crazy, and I had just gotten back into town, that I didn't feel like I had properly ushered in the new semester. No, I am not in school, nor do I wish to be, but being a piano teacher, I am still connected with that world a little bit. but this week, even though we had Monday off, having my office organized, and starting Bible study today, I am feeling really good!

As I mentioned above, Bible study started today! I am sooooo excited! I am doing an Esther study, by Beth Moore with my church, and I think it is going to be just what I need. I am excited because I have never done a Beth Moore study, but have heard a lot about them. So now I get to see for myself.

Another exciting thing...when I got home from Bible study, I was changing Izzy's diaper, and I was talking to him, and smiling, and then I started tickling him. He laughed! He laughed out loud! I was so happy! It was one of those moments when I wished Joel was here to hear his first laugh, and felt so blessed and lucky that I get to be the one that sees all of Izzy's "firsts". I guess that is one of the perks of Motherhood. Yes I have to deal with a fussy baby all day if he so chooses to be, but I also get to see him smile, laugh, roll over, crawl, walk, etc, maybe before anyone else.

This has already been a red shoe day!

Friday, August 28, 2009

He loves me, he loves me not., He loves me...

Two days ago, I read in Philippians about Paul, and how he had learned to be content in all situations. The Lord really convicted me of this and I started praying that in every situation whether in plenty or in "famine" I would be content. Well, today I am at war with my flesh. It actually started last night, when I was really craving some me time. But what I wanted to do wasn't going to work out, so this morning, I started to do what I always do when I get upset; I start to snowball. One problem leads to another, and I dwell on them and it makes me even more sad. So today in tears, I explained to Joel my desire to be content and that I just needed him to pray for me, that I would be able to conquer this battle. Of course Joel felt horrible and it was his desire to reward me for all my hard work, and give me what I wanted...that is what makes him so wonderful. But what can be done? Nothing right now, except for me to be thankful for what I do have. So today is one of those days where I am tempted to question whether God really loves me or not. I KNOW that He does, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

So far today has not been a red shoes day.

I love you more than...velcro??

The other night, I woke up in the middle of the night having had a really bad dream. I turned to Joel for comfort, and he woke up (or I thought it did) and proceed to comfort me by saying: "Oh Hannah, that was horrible, and it will never come true, I love you so much, I love you more than Velcro!" Velcro? I asked him if he was awake, and he said yes, and tried to explain what he meant, when he fell asleep. The next morning, I told him what he had done, and he just started laughing! He could remember a little bit of it, but said that he must have been dreaming something with Velcro in it! Anyway, we got a big laugh about it, and now we say affectionately, that we love each other more than Velcro

Tears of joy

Taking little Izzy to New Life Ranch was quite the adventure. No, it really turned out great, but the firsts are always a little stressful. He slept pretty great, took naps, and charmed his way to everyone's heart. There was one particular time that he was a little cranky, (I think he was just a little over tired) and I laid him down on the bed, gave him his paci, and got really close to his face, assuring him that everything was okay, and his little eyes, moist from crying, looked at me with the most adorable, yet pitiful expression. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. But it touched me so much that I uttered a prayer of thanksgiving for my little boy, and tears came to my eyes. I am so blessed to have a son to take care of. I want to enjoy ever moment!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Cute as a bug on a rug

My little Izzy was the prince of the ball last night with 10+ people standing around adoring him. It was quite fun I must admit to be the mother of this charming little man, and I enjoyed it just as much or more as he did! But the thing I enjoyed most, was seeing my little baby boy, find comfort and familiarity in his mother own arms once he had made the rounds. He was cranky with them, but fell asleep on me! Oh the joys of motherhood. Just that one moment is worth every dirty diaper I change, and every cranky time, the extra trouble it is to go run errands, and the extra stress it is every time I have to leave the house.

We have a huge weekend ahead of us, and it is a little daunting packing up everything I will need for a 2 month old. But I have to learn how to do this sometime! So here goes it!

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus

Well, it was that time a year again when school is starting and the TBC NLR youth retreat was upon us. But this year was going to look a little different. Joel and I have pulled out of our responsibilities as far as Jr. High goes due to trying to figure out our life with Israel. But since Joel was still playing in the band, he was going to go, and wanted Izzy and I to come along with him. But that meant extra cost. But the Lord has been good. He has not only provided the full sum, but extra as well for gas, and anything we might need to make this trip possible. Praise the Lord!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Oh the selfishness of me!

I was sitting here having a quite time, and drinking my nasty protein shake observing the change in my life; specifically the change from my days being planned around MY meals, to now my days being planned around my sons meals, and naps. There have been times where I have forgotten to eat, and have found myself starving wondering what time it was, to find out that it well time for me to eat something. But it is not only that I forget to eat, but I don't even have the desire to fix anything. Once I have the free time to do it, there are a hundred other things that I want to get done that I don't even feel like spending 15 min to fix something. That is why I ended up drinking this horrible protein drink for breakfast! Yet, alas, am I losing weight? No!! So when I get a free minute I say to myself, "Wow, how life has changed from being ME focused to being Israel focused!" But then I crash and burn, and fall into a big pitty party for myself when I don't get something I want, and I cry like a baby that I work so hard, and never do anything for myself, and I scrimp and save to no avail, and everyone else is getting special things, and all I get is spit-up and dirty diapers. My thrills are getting stuff for baby, and when I want one thing for myself, I can't have it, or I have to sell something else of mine to get it! So now my selfLESSness, of thinking about baby's needs over mine, has just been voided out by my outrageous amount of selfishness. Today I read Philippins 1:21 which says " To me to live is Christ and to die is gain." I have not been living that way at all. My version has gone: to me to live is me and Israel,and Joel, and to die, is...I don't know, because I have not been dying to myself lately. And even now just writing this, I am being selfish, hoping that Joel will see this and give me something special for my desire to be selfless. And the cycle is never ending. Thank God for the promise that He is not done with us, and that He is ever perfecting me until the day of His return. Lord do not give up on me, and only make me more like you everyday.

How Sweet it is to be Loved by You!

It had been a somewhat long day. Israel had been sleeping good until I laid him down for his afternoon nap, and he only slept 30 min. So after letting him fuss for about 20 min, I decided to get him up and go for a walk. But then for his second afternoon nap he still didn't want to sleep. So here I am, it is 5;20, Joel still isn't home, and hasn't called, and Israel is in bed crying. I am trying to ignore him and let him get some energy out, while occupying myself by working on his baby album, and assuming that Joel had to work late, when I hear a knock at the door. Wondering who it could be, because Joel never knocks, I peek out the window, and see nothing, except a starbucks cup sitting on the porch with writting on the inside. I open the door, pick it up and on the inside it reads: Will you go on a starbucks date with me tonight? Love Joel xoxoxoxo! I was so excited, and felt so special that he would have thought of such a creative way of asking me to do this with him, I almost cried. I could see his car but I couldn't find him, until he came around the corner of the house. I ran into his arms, and was so glad that God had given me such a thoughtful man! He had even taken the initiative of calling my sister to see if she could babysit. Greg was sick, so we opted to have Joel's family watch him, and we became kids again, as we rolled down the windows, turned our music up loud, sang at the top of our lungs talked and drank our coffee drinks, and then ran across a busy street to walk to Blockbuster and write down titles of movies that we wanted to see. Such a refreshing evening with the one I love so dearly! Then we hurried back to our little boy who we missed so dearly (even just being gone a couple hours!) How sweet it is to be love by you, Joel!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

B...B...Blue day

One thing that I have learned from having a baby, is that motherhood is hard! I have a new found respect for my mom who did it over and over again 8 times.

After Israel was born, we were in the clouds, enjoying life, and thrilled that he was here. Once we got home reality set in. I got a case of the baby blues. I am not proud of this fact, but I am told that it is completely normal. I hated it though, the feeling of regret, and being trapped and like my life was over and I wouldn't be able to do anything ever again, overwhelmed me. I also felt overwhelmed by the awesome responsibility that having a baby brought on me. I kept having to remind myself that this was a team effort, and I didn't have to do it ALL by myself, even though I was responsible for the majority of it during the day. Plus at that time I was trying to nurse, which wasn't going well at all either.

Once we went to just the bottle, life appeared to get easier. I didn't have the stress of trying to figure out why my baby wasn't gaining weight or wanting to eat, and I was able to get out and run errands. But the blue days kept coming.

Today is one of them. This morning it was raining hard, which meant that maybe a night at Utica Square with friends wasn't going to work after all. That made me sad. Then the sun came out and there was hope! But then we found out that our friends had to leave town all of a sudden, and again life was blue. For awhile now Izzy has been not sleeping so well during the day, and wanting to eat quite often. Today has been really no different. While I was feeling sorry for myself for having to feed him every 2.5 hours, and only getting 1 hour of free time to myself, I realized how awful I was being. I had even complained to my husband that I wanted to have fun tonight! Here I was in possession of a precious, healthy, whole, adorable little boy that the Lord had created in my womb, and I wasn't having fun! Shame on me! Yes, I love it when he smiles, bringing love and joy overflowing, but for some reason, I had separated being a mom, and caring for my precious child, from having fun. Was it because of the hard month we had at first, when it wasn't fun, or was it because I was feeling lonely today? I don't know, but what I do know, is that I was not appreciating the fact that God has entrusted me with the precious little baby, and I have the honor of not only watching him grow up, but helping him grow, healthy and strong. I have the honor of seeing him smile at me when he has just had his bottle, feeling his head against my shoulder and feeling his breath on my neck. Feeling his little hands on my chest, or helping me hold the bottle.

So why these blue days? Why this feeling of boredom? Why this feeling of loneliness? Is it hormonal? Is it sin? I want to enjoy this time with my precious angel, but how do I cope with these feelings as well? May the Lord grant me peace, and a contentment that only comes from Him.

Monday, July 20, 2009

My birth story

On June 18th 2009 our little son was born. Wednesday June 17th I went to a doctor's appointment, and left there a little disappointed. Our doctor, who had said all along that he would let me go a week to a week in a half before we would even talk of inducing, was now pushing for inducement. I left the office, disappointed that we were even needing to entertain the idea of inducement. I had prayed that we wouldn't but I guess God has something different in mind.

But on the way home I was having contractions, which I kinda ignored, because I had had rounds of them before that never ended in anything but disappointment, and the feeling of being teased. That was around 1:00 p.m. That afternoon my dear friend Celeste came over for some girl time, all the while I was having contractions. Around 4:00 I told her that I had had them all afternoon, and that they were coming close together, and getting more intense. We started timing them, and doing different things, like lying down, or walking around, eating, resting, but they never stopped. Celeste was wonderful! She suggested that we all four of us go to a movie to distract me. So we did. She stayed and helped make dinner for me, and together we all went to see a movie. The contractions continued all through the movie, and when Joel and I got home, we decided to walk around. So at 10:00 at night we are out strolling the streets. 3:00 in the morning comes, and I wake up with even stronger contractions, and we decided to call my mom. She suggested that we start timing them again, and wait awhile. They were coming at 2-4 min apart, so at about 5:30 we headed to the hospital. 6:00 we arrive, they hook me up and check me. I am dialated to 4 and 90% effaced, contractions still coming 2-3 min. apart. They wanted to admit me, and break my water, but Joel and I were not so sure about that. We talked them into letting us walk around for a little bit, using that as a way to wait a little bit longer before we had to decide whether to let them break my water or not. Everything we had learned was telling us to not let them, but then the doctor's argument was convincing as well. So we walked around Utica Square for a couple hours, went back and I had not progressed at all. So after much consideration, we decided to let them break my water. I prayed that I would be dialated to a 5 by the time they broke it, and I was! 12:00 came, and the doctor came and broke the water, and immediately the contractions started to get worse. 1 hour passed and our wonderful Christian nurse checked me, because I was feeling the urge to push. I was only a 6! Trying to fight the urge to push was horrible! Thirty min later I was a 7, and thirty min after that I was almost a 9. I had one contraction, the nurse made me a ten (because my cervix was so soft) and the pushing began immediately. The commotion increased, but I was not really aware of it. Joel was right by my side through the whole thing. From the moment they broke my water till Israel poked his head out, he was right by my side, saying encouraging words, and praying me on. Once the pushing started, I was laying down more than I thought I would, so each time I pushed Joel would lift me up a little. I wasn't able to properly hold my legs, so two nursed would push my legs up, and the doctor tied a not in a sheet, gave that end to me to pull on, and he had the other end to pull as well, and that worked really well. thirty min. later, his head came out, and the horrible pain was almost over. Out slithered the rest of his body, and the next thing I knew, my precious little boy was in my arms. It took him a few min to start to cry, the nursed were rubbing him, trying to get him to turn pink. Since I tore a little bit, the stitches were next to come. They were painful, but nothing compared to labor. It took longer than I wished, but finally they were through, and the cleaning up began. The rest of the afternoon, family and friends were present, Finally at around 8:00, we were all alone, our little family!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Due Date

Last night Joel was holding me as I cried, letting me release some emotion that I was feeling. I had some tea waiting for me that was supposed to bring on contractions, but I was scared to drink it. Our due date was in just a few hours, so were were talking about that, and looking at my big tummy, talking about how life was going to change, and me making sure we as a couple were not going to change. Joel then asked me to think back and remember what were were doing nine months ago. I immediately remembered our vacation to St. Louis, where I was already pregnant, but we didn't know it. So Joel decided that it would be fun to look at those pictures again. So we did.

This morning, I woke up, and went to the bathroom for the umpteenth time, and came back into the room, and Joel was singing, "Happy due date day, to you!" as he slowly woke up. Today is our due date, the day that Israel might come, or might forever be the day that we thought he might come, but God had different plans.

Lately I have been feeling very emotional, and for the past 12 hours, have cried many tears. Joel asked me one day how I was doing, me thinking he was asking about my physical state. So once again, I told him "good, just in a little pain". Then he informed me that he knew that I was going to be in pain for a while, and so whenever he asked how I was doing, he was asking how I was doing emotional. That meant so much to me. I had a dear friend call me today, asking how I was doing, to which I replied, "Doing well physically, which is making it harder on me emotionally, because I can't feel that anything big is going on." I know that my body is making headway, because of what the doctor has said, and occasionally I will have several hours of contractions that are just a little bit uncomfortable, or I will feel different sensations here and there, but overall, I wonder, "Is he ever going to be here?" But as my mom said, I am in the stage of the unknown. It could be anytime, or it could be a week or more. And that plays a part on our emotions. But once I realize that, it makes it easier. Not that I have any more information, but now I know why I can be fine one minute, and then sobbing buckets the next, an angel one second, and a witch the next! Thankfully I have the best husband in the world, who just holds me, and hugs me, and tells me that I can cry, and forgives me when I lash out, and loves me unconditionally.

So, I sit here waiting, reminding myself of the truth, that I will NOT be pregnant for the rest of my life, that Israel will come someday, and trying to occupy myself until our little angel arrives.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Happy Birthday to....Me!

Joel woke up early...correction....I woke up Joel around 7:00 because I was hungry, and it is a tradition that the birthday person gets breakfast made for him/her. Joel happily got up (he really did) and I stayed in bed, waiting for him to come get me. Once breakfast was ready, he came and got me, and as he lead me to the kitchen he sang happy birthday. He sat me down, and little by little set the table, telling me what he had prepared. Among the delicacies, were some scrambled eggs with "sausage" When he set them down, I smelt taco seasoning. So I asked Joel, what he used. He told me that he used the sausage that I told him I had left in the fridge for him. I then asked where he got it, and he said "a little bag in the little draw". That is when I knew he had used the leftover taco meat instead of the sausage that was in a container, not a plastic bag! Oh well, I told him about the leftover sausage on Tuesday, and this is Saturday, so that is a long time to remember something! Needless to say, I couldn't really eat them. But the rest was delicious. Coffee crumb cake, and strawberries and pineapple beautifully laid out on a bed of yogurt, chocolate milk, and coffee in my new coffee mug.

Afterwards we went through some baby clothes, deciding what we needed and what would fit our little guy. Then we needed a nap (yes, it was only 10:00 in the morning, but hey, we have 3 more weeks until baby arrives). After our nap, we headed to Jamba Juice. That is what I wanted for lunch. We ran a few errands, one including James Avery, where we got a cranky sales lady, that pissed Joel off so much that he could barely think. So I did the purchasing. We got me a chain, with a star of David charm. We though since we were naming our son Israel David, that that would be a good symbol. For each child we would like to have a charm added to my necklace, and then the same symbol engraved in a ring of Joel's. Oh, we also went through a car wash, which I love doing!!! I know it sounds silly, but I think they are so fun!!! So now we are sitting here watching Ocean's Eleven, and getting ready to eat ice cream! Yah for Birthdays!!!!

Vacation!!!

Thanks to my wonderful husband, we left Tuesday for a 3 night, 3 day stay at a resort/marina, in Branson Missouri. We packed our own food, packed our whole house, and headed out. No seriously, we almost took our whole house. We packed movies, two big suit cases with everything we could possibly need, 2 coolers, a big sack and a picnic basket of food, etc. So our car was packed, and there was just two of us!!! Once we arrived and unpacked,we looked around, saw our surroundings, and then enjoyed dinner and a movie. Our goal for the next two weeks, was to do....Nothing! We just wanted to lay around, read our books, and be together, and that is exactly what we did. Yes, we had a couple runs to Walmart, but they were just for yummy stuff. Well, we have to have chocolate! It was so nice to be able to sleep in, then get up and eat breakfast, and have a quiet time that didn't have a time limit. Then to spend the rest of the day lounging around doing nothing. Thursday was the same: More loveliness, sitting by the pool, floating in the pool, although it was extremely cold. But I was determined to leave with a little more color than I had when we arrived. I did accomplish that, more so than is comfortable. Thursday night Joel and I went to Walmart and got coloring books! Mine was a strawberry shortcake one, and his was a tonka truck one! Then we ate carmel apples and colored!! Welcome back childhood! Friday we awoke, checked out, and headed to another lake to finishe up our lounging around. We ate lunch, and almost got attached by Geese. We took the opportunity of a beautiful sceanery to take some pictures of me and my belly (sorry Joel, tummy), then we headed to the Tanger Outlet Malls! We walked all the way around, ended at the Gap, where of course, we found some treasures. It was a very hot day, so what do you do on a hot day? Starbucks!!! That was our next destination, and once we had our fix, we walked around downtown Branson, next to the Landing. Then we headed into the Landing for our Birthday dinner! Someone recommended a Mexican Restaurant, and since we are suckers for Mexican, it wasn't hard deciding to go there, and it was pretty darn good. After we had practically stuffed ourselves, we started our trip back to Tulsa.

A good time was had by all, and we decided that we needed to take more time to just sit and relax, here at home, on our deck, or wherever, just to make sure we took advantage of life, and didn't let life take advantage of us. Life gets going so fast, and before you know it, you are running here and there, and life is running you. So, get someone you love, a good book, and a cool drink and go enjoy beign together!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Nesting

The Lord was so gracious and provided so many baby things for us at our baby shower May 2nd. But Even though I was aching to dive in and organize, Joel made me wait one more week until I was finished teaching. This past Tuesday was my recital, and now I am officially done! Well for the summer. There have been so many things that I feel like I have been neglecting, like...being a wife! so Wednesday morning I awoke with new energy, to begin nesting, and make sure we had groceries, and a clean house.

Then we found mouse droppings. So that doesn't make me feel like a am living in a clean place. But I am trying! We will conquer this, just like we conquered bed bugs, and we will move on. In the mean time, I will clean up what I can, organize my baby's room, return things, and enjoy being a wife, and mom.