Saturday, October 10, 2009

Grace, Grace, Marvelous Grace

Yesterday, my husband was invited to the OU football game. I encouraged him to go because I knew that he would want to, but inside I didn't want him to go because I didn't want to spend all day Saturday by myself. So I started feeling sorry for myself and thinking off all the fun things that Joel has gotten to do lately, and forgetting all the fun things I have been able to do as well, like when Joel babysat Izzy while I went and spent the whole evening with my girlfriends. So I complained. That made Joel feel bad and so he decided that he needed to reward me for all my hard work. By that time I had realized my wrong, and apologized for it, but he still wanted to surprise me with something. This started a whole big discussion about how I didn't want him to because I had complained and didn't deserve anything, and that I wouldn't enjoy it fully because I had gotten it by complaining, but he kept saying how he had forgiven me and that he was NOT doing it because I complained but because he loved me. We went back and forth like this, and I was really struggling. I knew that he had forgiven me, but I was unable to forgive myself. Joel kept saying "Grace, babe, it's grace." Finally I gave in, and allowed him to "bless" me, as he put it. There are so many times that I mess up in a day, not to Joel, but to my Heavenly Father, but He forgives me every time. So many times I have a hard time forgiving myself because I am so disappointed in myself for messing up AGAIN. But I am sure that He just looks down, and says "Grace, my child, grace." And reminds me that I don't DESERVE anything, but He chooses to bless me just because He loves me. Thank you Joel for being a picture of Christ in my life. I love you!

Oh and the surprise??? Nails! I have been wanting to get my nails done for awhile, and so he treated me to some beautiful nails...for now at least. They look gorgeous, and I feel dainty and beautiful!

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