Thursday, September 17, 2009

I am Hannah Kathleen Kelley

Yesterday was a red shoe day in a round about way. It started off with coffee and shortbread with my dear mother-in-law since one of my piano families canceled on me. It was a somewhat rainy day, so it was perfect for getting out my china, and having some girl time. Then that afternoon, the day turned chaotic! Joel and I have been planning on going on a date to see the movie: Julie Julia, sometime this weekend. Thankfully we found out just in time that the movie was only going to be in theaters for a couple more days. So to make a long story short, we decided to go last night, sper of the moment, because mom was available to babysit. But that made for a crazy 3 hours, from when we found out that this could work, till I dropped Izzy off with mom and Joel and I were by ourselves.

Dinner was delicious, the movie was fun, but it wasn't till we got home that something extraordinary happened. Every once in a while, I get in this funk where I feel like I am not good at anything, and I don't have something that I can link with my name that people know me for. I do a lot of things semi-well, and it bothers me. Some people are dancers, some people are piano teachers, and are really accomplished musicians themselves (I am not, hence I teach beginners). Some are artists, some are singers, writers, chefs, etc. Me????I can do all of that, but not extremely well. I am not known as one particular thing. I am a wife, a mother, and then a hodgepodge of a bunch of other things. Well, last night in the movie, the girl felt the same way, that her life really had no meaning. So she decided to go through the cookbook: The art of French Cooking and try all the recipes in just one year, and then blog about it. After the movie, I told Joel that I wanted to do something like that, so we started brainstorming, but each idea led to me saying "But that is not original, everyone does that", or "so-and-so does that and they are good at it", or "I am not a good writer, I shouldn't even try."

Joel saw through me to the root problem. He sat down next to me, and gently and lovingly told me that I shouldn't find my identity in anything other than the Lord, and in who the Lord made me to be: a wife and mom. To this I cried, "But everyone is a wife and mom"! I was still trying to find something that I could call my own, and be good at all by myself. But alas, there is nothing new under the sun! This led to many tears, and many revelations. I was able to voice my fears, and my way of thinking, and through that I realized that I didn't really know who I was! For so long I h been trying to be like other what they like, do what I see other people like to do (except the bad things) that I had forgotten who I was. Joel looked at me and said "I know who you are Hannah Kelley, 3 oldest of 8; you like to drink coffee and read a book on rainy days, with a clean house, you like red shoes....and the list went on. He made me cry, and laugh. He ended with saying that I could do the things I wanted to: blog, craft, whatever, but only because I liked to, not to compare myself with other people, or to be like other people.

I felt so free! I was free to be my own person? To do what I liked, and I didn't have to be original? I could do it, just because I like to, because my identity is in Christ. He made me to be a wife and mother, the highest calling I could be called to, and He made me to enjoy doing many things. No, I might not make lots of money doing them, or get recognized or famous for them, but I can still enjoy them. I am Hannah Kathleen Kelley, wife of Joel Kelley, the best man in the world, mother of Israel Kelley, the sweetest baby in the world, and daughter to the King of Kings, and Lord of Lords. That is who I am!


Kelly said...

You go girl!

Whitney said...

I love this, Hannah. So honest and so fabulous. You ARE Hannah Kathleen Kelley and what I know of you, I just absolutely love. :)