Fresh new start!

I love Fall. I love the smell of new pencils, and fresh paper. I love new supplies like new pens, and fun little organizing trinkets. I love being on a schedule and sticking to it. I love a clean house, with everything in its place.

Yesterday (Labor Day), Joel and I really labored. We tore apart our office, and totally reorganized it. To do that, we had to allow the rest of the house to become a disaster, but once we were done with it, we loved it. We worked from 9:00-5:00 with a 15 min break for lunch. Israel was a trooper. He took all his naps really well, and was an angel when he was up. Thank you Izzy!

Although I started teaching last week, it was so crazy, and I had just gotten back into town, that I didn't feel like I had properly ushered in the new semester. No, I am not in school, nor do I wish to be, but being a piano teacher, I am still connected with that world a little bit. but this week, even though we had Monday off, having my office organized, and starting Bible study today, I am feeling really good!

As I mentioned above, Bible study started today! I am sooooo excited! I am doing an Esther study, by Beth Moore with my church, and I think it is going to be just what I need. I am excited because I have never done a Beth Moore study, but have heard a lot about them. So now I get to see for myself.

Another exciting thing...when I got home from Bible study, I was changing Izzy's diaper, and I was talking to him, and smiling, and then I started tickling him. He laughed! He laughed out loud! I was so happy! It was one of those moments when I wished Joel was here to hear his first laugh, and felt so blessed and lucky that I get to be the one that sees all of Izzy's "firsts". I guess that is one of the perks of Motherhood. Yes I have to deal with a fussy baby all day if he so chooses to be, but I also get to see him smile, laugh, roll over, crawl, walk, etc, maybe before anyone else.

This has already been a red shoe day!

He loves me, he loves me not., He loves me...

Two days ago, I read in Philippians about Paul, and how he had learned to be content in all situations. The Lord really convicted me of this and I started praying that in every situation whether in plenty or in "famine" I would be content. Well, today I am at war with my flesh. It actually started last night, when I was really craving some me time. But what I wanted to do wasn't going to work out, so this morning, I started to do what I always do when I get upset; I start to snowball. One problem leads to another, and I dwell on them and it makes me even more sad. So today in tears, I explained to Joel my desire to be content and that I just needed him to pray for me, that I would be able to conquer this battle. Of course Joel felt horrible and it was his desire to reward me for all my hard work, and give me what I wanted...that is what makes him so wonderful. But what can be done? Nothing right now, except for me to be thankful for what I do have. So today is one of those days where I am tempted to question whether God really loves me or not. I KNOW that He does, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

So far today has not been a red shoes day.

I love you more than...velcro??

The other night, I woke up in the middle of the night having had a really bad dream. I turned to Joel for comfort, and he woke up (or I thought it did) and proceed to comfort me by saying: "Oh Hannah, that was horrible, and it will never come true, I love you so much, I love you more than Velcro!" Velcro? I asked him if he was awake, and he said yes, and tried to explain what he meant, when he fell asleep. The next morning, I told him what he had done, and he just started laughing! He could remember a little bit of it, but said that he must have been dreaming something with Velcro in it! Anyway, we got a big laugh about it, and now we say affectionately, that we love each other more than Velcro

Tears of joy

Taking little Izzy to New Life Ranch was quite the adventure. No, it really turned out great, but the firsts are always a little stressful. He slept pretty great, took naps, and charmed his way to everyone's heart. There was one particular time that he was a little cranky, (I think he was just a little over tired) and I laid him down on the bed, gave him his paci, and got really close to his face, assuring him that everything was okay, and his little eyes, moist from crying, looked at me with the most adorable, yet pitiful expression. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. But it touched me so much that I uttered a prayer of thanksgiving for my little boy, and tears came to my eyes. I am so blessed to have a son to take care of. I want to enjoy ever moment!

Cute as a bug on a rug

My little Izzy was the prince of the ball last night with 10+ people standing around adoring him. It was quite fun I must admit to be the mother of this charming little man, and I enjoyed it just as much or more as he did! But the thing I enjoyed most, was seeing my little baby boy, find comfort and familiarity in his mother own arms once he had made the rounds. He was cranky with them, but fell asleep on me! Oh the joys of motherhood. Just that one moment is worth every dirty diaper I change, and every cranky time, the extra trouble it is to go run errands, and the extra stress it is every time I have to leave the house.

We have a huge weekend ahead of us, and it is a little daunting packing up everything I will need for a 2 month old. But I have to learn how to do this sometime! So here goes it!

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus

Well, it was that time a year again when school is starting and the TBC NLR youth retreat was upon us. But this year was going to look a little different. Joel and I have pulled out of our responsibilities as far as Jr. High goes due to trying to figure out our life with Israel. But since Joel was still playing in the band, he was going to go, and wanted Izzy and I to come along with him. But that meant extra cost. But the Lord has been good. He has not only provided the full sum, but extra as well for gas, and anything we might need to make this trip possible. Praise the Lord!

Oh the selfishness of me!

I was sitting here having a quite time, and drinking my nasty protein shake observing the change in my life; specifically the change from my days being planned around MY meals, to now my days being planned around my sons meals, and naps. There have been times where I have forgotten to eat, and have found myself starving wondering what time it was, to find out that it well time for me to eat something. But it is not only that I forget to eat, but I don't even have the desire to fix anything. Once I have the free time to do it, there are a hundred other things that I want to get done that I don't even feel like spending 15 min to fix something. That is why I ended up drinking this horrible protein drink for breakfast! Yet, alas, am I losing weight? No!! So when I get a free minute I say to myself, "Wow, how life has changed from being ME focused to being Israel focused!" But then I crash and burn, and fall into a big pitty party for myself when I don't get something I want, and I cry like a baby that I work so hard, and never do anything for myself, and I scrimp and save to no avail, and everyone else is getting special things, and all I get is spit-up and dirty diapers. My thrills are getting stuff for baby, and when I want one thing for myself, I can't have it, or I have to sell something else of mine to get it! So now my selfLESSness, of thinking about baby's needs over mine, has just been voided out by my outrageous amount of selfishness. Today I read Philippins 1:21 which says " To me to live is Christ and to die is gain." I have not been living that way at all. My version has gone: to me to live is me and Israel,and Joel, and to die, is...I don't know, because I have not been dying to myself lately. And even now just writing this, I am being selfish, hoping that Joel will see this and give me something special for my desire to be selfless. And the cycle is never ending. Thank God for the promise that He is not done with us, and that He is ever perfecting me until the day of His return. Lord do not give up on me, and only make me more like you everyday.