Dad.
4 years ago
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
How Sweet it is to be Loved by You!
It had been a somewhat long day. Israel had been sleeping good until I laid him down for his afternoon nap, and he only slept 30 min. So after letting him fuss for about 20 min, I decided to get him up and go for a walk. But then for his second afternoon nap he still didn't want to sleep. So here I am, it is 5;20, Joel still isn't home, and hasn't called, and Israel is in bed crying. I am trying to ignore him and let him get some energy out, while occupying myself by working on his baby album, and assuming that Joel had to work late, when I hear a knock at the door. Wondering who it could be, because Joel never knocks, I peek out the window, and see nothing, except a starbucks cup sitting on the porch with writting on the inside. I open the door, pick it up and on the inside it reads: Will you go on a starbucks date with me tonight? Love Joel xoxoxoxo! I was so excited, and felt so special that he would have thought of such a creative way of asking me to do this with him, I almost cried. I could see his car but I couldn't find him, until he came around the corner of the house. I ran into his arms, and was so glad that God had given me such a thoughtful man! He had even taken the initiative of calling my sister to see if she could babysit. Greg was sick, so we opted to have Joel's family watch him, and we became kids again, as we rolled down the windows, turned our music up loud, sang at the top of our lungs talked and drank our coffee drinks, and then ran across a busy street to walk to Blockbuster and write down titles of movies that we wanted to see. Such a refreshing evening with the one I love so dearly! Then we hurried back to our little boy who we missed so dearly (even just being gone a couple hours!) How sweet it is to be love by you, Joel!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
B...B...Blue day
One thing that I have learned from having a baby, is that motherhood is hard! I have a new found respect for my mom who did it over and over again 8 times.
After Israel was born, we were in the clouds, enjoying life, and thrilled that he was here. Once we got home reality set in. I got a case of the baby blues. I am not proud of this fact, but I am told that it is completely normal. I hated it though, the feeling of regret, and being trapped and like my life was over and I wouldn't be able to do anything ever again, overwhelmed me. I also felt overwhelmed by the awesome responsibility that having a baby brought on me. I kept having to remind myself that this was a team effort, and I didn't have to do it ALL by myself, even though I was responsible for the majority of it during the day. Plus at that time I was trying to nurse, which wasn't going well at all either.
Once we went to just the bottle, life appeared to get easier. I didn't have the stress of trying to figure out why my baby wasn't gaining weight or wanting to eat, and I was able to get out and run errands. But the blue days kept coming.
Today is one of them. This morning it was raining hard, which meant that maybe a night at Utica Square with friends wasn't going to work after all. That made me sad. Then the sun came out and there was hope! But then we found out that our friends had to leave town all of a sudden, and again life was blue. For awhile now Izzy has been not sleeping so well during the day, and wanting to eat quite often. Today has been really no different. While I was feeling sorry for myself for having to feed him every 2.5 hours, and only getting 1 hour of free time to myself, I realized how awful I was being. I had even complained to my husband that I wanted to have fun tonight! Here I was in possession of a precious, healthy, whole, adorable little boy that the Lord had created in my womb, and I wasn't having fun! Shame on me! Yes, I love it when he smiles, bringing love and joy overflowing, but for some reason, I had separated being a mom, and caring for my precious child, from having fun. Was it because of the hard month we had at first, when it wasn't fun, or was it because I was feeling lonely today? I don't know, but what I do know, is that I was not appreciating the fact that God has entrusted me with the precious little baby, and I have the honor of not only watching him grow up, but helping him grow, healthy and strong. I have the honor of seeing him smile at me when he has just had his bottle, feeling his head against my shoulder and feeling his breath on my neck. Feeling his little hands on my chest, or helping me hold the bottle.
So why these blue days? Why this feeling of boredom? Why this feeling of loneliness? Is it hormonal? Is it sin? I want to enjoy this time with my precious angel, but how do I cope with these feelings as well? May the Lord grant me peace, and a contentment that only comes from Him.
After Israel was born, we were in the clouds, enjoying life, and thrilled that he was here. Once we got home reality set in. I got a case of the baby blues. I am not proud of this fact, but I am told that it is completely normal. I hated it though, the feeling of regret, and being trapped and like my life was over and I wouldn't be able to do anything ever again, overwhelmed me. I also felt overwhelmed by the awesome responsibility that having a baby brought on me. I kept having to remind myself that this was a team effort, and I didn't have to do it ALL by myself, even though I was responsible for the majority of it during the day. Plus at that time I was trying to nurse, which wasn't going well at all either.
Once we went to just the bottle, life appeared to get easier. I didn't have the stress of trying to figure out why my baby wasn't gaining weight or wanting to eat, and I was able to get out and run errands. But the blue days kept coming.
Today is one of them. This morning it was raining hard, which meant that maybe a night at Utica Square with friends wasn't going to work after all. That made me sad. Then the sun came out and there was hope! But then we found out that our friends had to leave town all of a sudden, and again life was blue. For awhile now Izzy has been not sleeping so well during the day, and wanting to eat quite often. Today has been really no different. While I was feeling sorry for myself for having to feed him every 2.5 hours, and only getting 1 hour of free time to myself, I realized how awful I was being. I had even complained to my husband that I wanted to have fun tonight! Here I was in possession of a precious, healthy, whole, adorable little boy that the Lord had created in my womb, and I wasn't having fun! Shame on me! Yes, I love it when he smiles, bringing love and joy overflowing, but for some reason, I had separated being a mom, and caring for my precious child, from having fun. Was it because of the hard month we had at first, when it wasn't fun, or was it because I was feeling lonely today? I don't know, but what I do know, is that I was not appreciating the fact that God has entrusted me with the precious little baby, and I have the honor of not only watching him grow up, but helping him grow, healthy and strong. I have the honor of seeing him smile at me when he has just had his bottle, feeling his head against my shoulder and feeling his breath on my neck. Feeling his little hands on my chest, or helping me hold the bottle.
So why these blue days? Why this feeling of boredom? Why this feeling of loneliness? Is it hormonal? Is it sin? I want to enjoy this time with my precious angel, but how do I cope with these feelings as well? May the Lord grant me peace, and a contentment that only comes from Him.
Monday, July 20, 2009
My birth story
On June 18th 2009 our little son was born. Wednesday June 17th I went to a doctor's appointment, and left there a little disappointed. Our doctor, who had said all along that he would let me go a week to a week in a half before we would even talk of inducing, was now pushing for inducement. I left the office, disappointed that we were even needing to entertain the idea of inducement. I had prayed that we wouldn't but I guess God has something different in mind.
But on the way home I was having contractions, which I kinda ignored, because I had had rounds of them before that never ended in anything but disappointment, and the feeling of being teased. That was around 1:00 p.m. That afternoon my dear friend Celeste came over for some girl time, all the while I was having contractions. Around 4:00 I told her that I had had them all afternoon, and that they were coming close together, and getting more intense. We started timing them, and doing different things, like lying down, or walking around, eating, resting, but they never stopped. Celeste was wonderful! She suggested that we all four of us go to a movie to distract me. So we did. She stayed and helped make dinner for me, and together we all went to see a movie. The contractions continued all through the movie, and when Joel and I got home, we decided to walk around. So at 10:00 at night we are out strolling the streets. 3:00 in the morning comes, and I wake up with even stronger contractions, and we decided to call my mom. She suggested that we start timing them again, and wait awhile. They were coming at 2-4 min apart, so at about 5:30 we headed to the hospital. 6:00 we arrive, they hook me up and check me. I am dialated to 4 and 90% effaced, contractions still coming 2-3 min. apart. They wanted to admit me, and break my water, but Joel and I were not so sure about that. We talked them into letting us walk around for a little bit, using that as a way to wait a little bit longer before we had to decide whether to let them break my water or not. Everything we had learned was telling us to not let them, but then the doctor's argument was convincing as well. So we walked around Utica Square for a couple hours, went back and I had not progressed at all. So after much consideration, we decided to let them break my water. I prayed that I would be dialated to a 5 by the time they broke it, and I was! 12:00 came, and the doctor came and broke the water, and immediately the contractions started to get worse. 1 hour passed and our wonderful Christian nurse checked me, because I was feeling the urge to push. I was only a 6! Trying to fight the urge to push was horrible! Thirty min later I was a 7, and thirty min after that I was almost a 9. I had one contraction, the nurse made me a ten (because my cervix was so soft) and the pushing began immediately. The commotion increased, but I was not really aware of it. Joel was right by my side through the whole thing. From the moment they broke my water till Israel poked his head out, he was right by my side, saying encouraging words, and praying me on. Once the pushing started, I was laying down more than I thought I would, so each time I pushed Joel would lift me up a little. I wasn't able to properly hold my legs, so two nursed would push my legs up, and the doctor tied a not in a sheet, gave that end to me to pull on, and he had the other end to pull as well, and that worked really well. thirty min. later, his head came out, and the horrible pain was almost over. Out slithered the rest of his body, and the next thing I knew, my precious little boy was in my arms. It took him a few min to start to cry, the nursed were rubbing him, trying to get him to turn pink. Since I tore a little bit, the stitches were next to come. They were painful, but nothing compared to labor. It took longer than I wished, but finally they were through, and the cleaning up began. The rest of the afternoon, family and friends were present, Finally at around 8:00, we were all alone, our little family!
But on the way home I was having contractions, which I kinda ignored, because I had had rounds of them before that never ended in anything but disappointment, and the feeling of being teased. That was around 1:00 p.m. That afternoon my dear friend Celeste came over for some girl time, all the while I was having contractions. Around 4:00 I told her that I had had them all afternoon, and that they were coming close together, and getting more intense. We started timing them, and doing different things, like lying down, or walking around, eating, resting, but they never stopped. Celeste was wonderful! She suggested that we all four of us go to a movie to distract me. So we did. She stayed and helped make dinner for me, and together we all went to see a movie. The contractions continued all through the movie, and when Joel and I got home, we decided to walk around. So at 10:00 at night we are out strolling the streets. 3:00 in the morning comes, and I wake up with even stronger contractions, and we decided to call my mom. She suggested that we start timing them again, and wait awhile. They were coming at 2-4 min apart, so at about 5:30 we headed to the hospital. 6:00 we arrive, they hook me up and check me. I am dialated to 4 and 90% effaced, contractions still coming 2-3 min. apart. They wanted to admit me, and break my water, but Joel and I were not so sure about that. We talked them into letting us walk around for a little bit, using that as a way to wait a little bit longer before we had to decide whether to let them break my water or not. Everything we had learned was telling us to not let them, but then the doctor's argument was convincing as well. So we walked around Utica Square for a couple hours, went back and I had not progressed at all. So after much consideration, we decided to let them break my water. I prayed that I would be dialated to a 5 by the time they broke it, and I was! 12:00 came, and the doctor came and broke the water, and immediately the contractions started to get worse. 1 hour passed and our wonderful Christian nurse checked me, because I was feeling the urge to push. I was only a 6! Trying to fight the urge to push was horrible! Thirty min later I was a 7, and thirty min after that I was almost a 9. I had one contraction, the nurse made me a ten (because my cervix was so soft) and the pushing began immediately. The commotion increased, but I was not really aware of it. Joel was right by my side through the whole thing. From the moment they broke my water till Israel poked his head out, he was right by my side, saying encouraging words, and praying me on. Once the pushing started, I was laying down more than I thought I would, so each time I pushed Joel would lift me up a little. I wasn't able to properly hold my legs, so two nursed would push my legs up, and the doctor tied a not in a sheet, gave that end to me to pull on, and he had the other end to pull as well, and that worked really well. thirty min. later, his head came out, and the horrible pain was almost over. Out slithered the rest of his body, and the next thing I knew, my precious little boy was in my arms. It took him a few min to start to cry, the nursed were rubbing him, trying to get him to turn pink. Since I tore a little bit, the stitches were next to come. They were painful, but nothing compared to labor. It took longer than I wished, but finally they were through, and the cleaning up began. The rest of the afternoon, family and friends were present, Finally at around 8:00, we were all alone, our little family!
Friday, June 12, 2009
Due Date
Last night Joel was holding me as I cried, letting me release some emotion that I was feeling. I had some tea waiting for me that was supposed to bring on contractions, but I was scared to drink it. Our due date was in just a few hours, so were were talking about that, and looking at my big tummy, talking about how life was going to change, and me making sure we as a couple were not going to change. Joel then asked me to think back and remember what were were doing nine months ago. I immediately remembered our vacation to St. Louis, where I was already pregnant, but we didn't know it. So Joel decided that it would be fun to look at those pictures again. So we did.
This morning, I woke up, and went to the bathroom for the umpteenth time, and came back into the room, and Joel was singing, "Happy due date day, to you!" as he slowly woke up. Today is our due date, the day that Israel might come, or might forever be the day that we thought he might come, but God had different plans.
Lately I have been feeling very emotional, and for the past 12 hours, have cried many tears. Joel asked me one day how I was doing, me thinking he was asking about my physical state. So once again, I told him "good, just in a little pain". Then he informed me that he knew that I was going to be in pain for a while, and so whenever he asked how I was doing, he was asking how I was doing emotional. That meant so much to me. I had a dear friend call me today, asking how I was doing, to which I replied, "Doing well physically, which is making it harder on me emotionally, because I can't feel that anything big is going on." I know that my body is making headway, because of what the doctor has said, and occasionally I will have several hours of contractions that are just a little bit uncomfortable, or I will feel different sensations here and there, but overall, I wonder, "Is he ever going to be here?" But as my mom said, I am in the stage of the unknown. It could be anytime, or it could be a week or more. And that plays a part on our emotions. But once I realize that, it makes it easier. Not that I have any more information, but now I know why I can be fine one minute, and then sobbing buckets the next, an angel one second, and a witch the next! Thankfully I have the best husband in the world, who just holds me, and hugs me, and tells me that I can cry, and forgives me when I lash out, and loves me unconditionally.
So, I sit here waiting, reminding myself of the truth, that I will NOT be pregnant for the rest of my life, that Israel will come someday, and trying to occupy myself until our little angel arrives.
This morning, I woke up, and went to the bathroom for the umpteenth time, and came back into the room, and Joel was singing, "Happy due date day, to you!" as he slowly woke up. Today is our due date, the day that Israel might come, or might forever be the day that we thought he might come, but God had different plans.
Lately I have been feeling very emotional, and for the past 12 hours, have cried many tears. Joel asked me one day how I was doing, me thinking he was asking about my physical state. So once again, I told him "good, just in a little pain". Then he informed me that he knew that I was going to be in pain for a while, and so whenever he asked how I was doing, he was asking how I was doing emotional. That meant so much to me. I had a dear friend call me today, asking how I was doing, to which I replied, "Doing well physically, which is making it harder on me emotionally, because I can't feel that anything big is going on." I know that my body is making headway, because of what the doctor has said, and occasionally I will have several hours of contractions that are just a little bit uncomfortable, or I will feel different sensations here and there, but overall, I wonder, "Is he ever going to be here?" But as my mom said, I am in the stage of the unknown. It could be anytime, or it could be a week or more. And that plays a part on our emotions. But once I realize that, it makes it easier. Not that I have any more information, but now I know why I can be fine one minute, and then sobbing buckets the next, an angel one second, and a witch the next! Thankfully I have the best husband in the world, who just holds me, and hugs me, and tells me that I can cry, and forgives me when I lash out, and loves me unconditionally.
So, I sit here waiting, reminding myself of the truth, that I will NOT be pregnant for the rest of my life, that Israel will come someday, and trying to occupy myself until our little angel arrives.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Happy Birthday to....Me!
Joel woke up early...correction....I woke up Joel around 7:00 because I was hungry, and it is a tradition that the birthday person gets breakfast made for him/her. Joel happily got up (he really did) and I stayed in bed, waiting for him to come get me. Once breakfast was ready, he came and got me, and as he lead me to the kitchen he sang happy birthday. He sat me down, and little by little set the table, telling me what he had prepared. Among the delicacies, were some scrambled eggs with "sausage" When he set them down, I smelt taco seasoning. So I asked Joel, what he used. He told me that he used the sausage that I told him I had left in the fridge for him. I then asked where he got it, and he said "a little bag in the little draw". That is when I knew he had used the leftover taco meat instead of the sausage that was in a container, not a plastic bag! Oh well, I told him about the leftover sausage on Tuesday, and this is Saturday, so that is a long time to remember something! Needless to say, I couldn't really eat them. But the rest was delicious. Coffee crumb cake, and strawberries and pineapple beautifully laid out on a bed of yogurt, chocolate milk, and coffee in my new coffee mug.
Afterwards we went through some baby clothes, deciding what we needed and what would fit our little guy. Then we needed a nap (yes, it was only 10:00 in the morning, but hey, we have 3 more weeks until baby arrives). After our nap, we headed to Jamba Juice. That is what I wanted for lunch. We ran a few errands, one including James Avery, where we got a cranky sales lady, that pissed Joel off so much that he could barely think. So I did the purchasing. We got me a chain, with a star of David charm. We though since we were naming our son Israel David, that that would be a good symbol. For each child we would like to have a charm added to my necklace, and then the same symbol engraved in a ring of Joel's. Oh, we also went through a car wash, which I love doing!!! I know it sounds silly, but I think they are so fun!!! So now we are sitting here watching Ocean's Eleven, and getting ready to eat ice cream! Yah for Birthdays!!!!
Afterwards we went through some baby clothes, deciding what we needed and what would fit our little guy. Then we needed a nap (yes, it was only 10:00 in the morning, but hey, we have 3 more weeks until baby arrives). After our nap, we headed to Jamba Juice. That is what I wanted for lunch. We ran a few errands, one including James Avery, where we got a cranky sales lady, that pissed Joel off so much that he could barely think. So I did the purchasing. We got me a chain, with a star of David charm. We though since we were naming our son Israel David, that that would be a good symbol. For each child we would like to have a charm added to my necklace, and then the same symbol engraved in a ring of Joel's. Oh, we also went through a car wash, which I love doing!!! I know it sounds silly, but I think they are so fun!!! So now we are sitting here watching Ocean's Eleven, and getting ready to eat ice cream! Yah for Birthdays!!!!
Vacation!!!
Thanks to my wonderful husband, we left Tuesday for a 3 night, 3 day stay at a resort/marina, in Branson Missouri. We packed our own food, packed our whole house, and headed out. No seriously, we almost took our whole house. We packed movies, two big suit cases with everything we could possibly need, 2 coolers, a big sack and a picnic basket of food, etc. So our car was packed, and there was just two of us!!! Once we arrived and unpacked,we looked around, saw our surroundings, and then enjoyed dinner and a movie. Our goal for the next two weeks, was to do....Nothing! We just wanted to lay around, read our books, and be together, and that is exactly what we did. Yes, we had a couple runs to Walmart, but they were just for yummy stuff. Well, we have to have chocolate! It was so nice to be able to sleep in, then get up and eat breakfast, and have a quiet time that didn't have a time limit. Then to spend the rest of the day lounging around doing nothing. Thursday was the same: More loveliness, sitting by the pool, floating in the pool, although it was extremely cold. But I was determined to leave with a little more color than I had when we arrived. I did accomplish that, more so than is comfortable. Thursday night Joel and I went to Walmart and got coloring books! Mine was a strawberry shortcake one, and his was a tonka truck one! Then we ate carmel apples and colored!! Welcome back childhood! Friday we awoke, checked out, and headed to another lake to finishe up our lounging around. We ate lunch, and almost got attached by Geese. We took the opportunity of a beautiful sceanery to take some pictures of me and my belly (sorry Joel, tummy), then we headed to the Tanger Outlet Malls! We walked all the way around, ended at the Gap, where of course, we found some treasures. It was a very hot day, so what do you do on a hot day? Starbucks!!! That was our next destination, and once we had our fix, we walked around downtown Branson, next to the Landing. Then we headed into the Landing for our Birthday dinner! Someone recommended a Mexican Restaurant, and since we are suckers for Mexican, it wasn't hard deciding to go there, and it was pretty darn good. After we had practically stuffed ourselves, we started our trip back to Tulsa.
A good time was had by all, and we decided that we needed to take more time to just sit and relax, here at home, on our deck, or wherever, just to make sure we took advantage of life, and didn't let life take advantage of us. Life gets going so fast, and before you know it, you are running here and there, and life is running you. So, get someone you love, a good book, and a cool drink and go enjoy beign together!
A good time was had by all, and we decided that we needed to take more time to just sit and relax, here at home, on our deck, or wherever, just to make sure we took advantage of life, and didn't let life take advantage of us. Life gets going so fast, and before you know it, you are running here and there, and life is running you. So, get someone you love, a good book, and a cool drink and go enjoy beign together!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Nesting
The Lord was so gracious and provided so many baby things for us at our baby shower May 2nd. But Even though I was aching to dive in and organize, Joel made me wait one more week until I was finished teaching. This past Tuesday was my recital, and now I am officially done! Well for the summer. There have been so many things that I feel like I have been neglecting, like...being a wife! so Wednesday morning I awoke with new energy, to begin nesting, and make sure we had groceries, and a clean house.
Then we found mouse droppings. So that doesn't make me feel like a am living in a clean place. But I am trying! We will conquer this, just like we conquered bed bugs, and we will move on. In the mean time, I will clean up what I can, organize my baby's room, return things, and enjoy being a wife, and mom.
Then we found mouse droppings. So that doesn't make me feel like a am living in a clean place. But I am trying! We will conquer this, just like we conquered bed bugs, and we will move on. In the mean time, I will clean up what I can, organize my baby's room, return things, and enjoy being a wife, and mom.
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